'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
