my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
