Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Randomize
