I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
thus making me awesome and them whores
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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