Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 609 share tweet
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
