i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
