he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
