i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
