we have pet lesbian snakes
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
my liver is dry heaving
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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