I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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