you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
