I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Buhtt sex?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
