Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
tequila makes me forget i have legs
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
