put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
home. puking in laundry basket.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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