with your own penis?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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