You just made me feel so damn special
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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