i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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