those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize