CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
