SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
