My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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