I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
