I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
