She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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