Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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