you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
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