i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
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