i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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