Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
home. puking in laundry basket.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
