There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
