Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
