The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
