Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
