So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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