i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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