If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize