just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize