I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
