His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
