I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
