i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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