yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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