well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize