You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize