A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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