so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
