She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
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