i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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