Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
