I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
