Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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