sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
