i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
