lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
