My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
