In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
