I molested 6 butterflies tonight
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
