He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
