i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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