Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
