You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
