My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
