i wish starbucks made bloody marys
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
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