help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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