I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
We have started to decorate penises.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
