Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
