highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize