Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Randomize
