i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
