All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
