the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
