I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
