420 ftw
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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