if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize