LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
