he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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