My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
