A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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